Hey missionary mama, some of you may be wondering, “What does it feel like to be the mother of a missionary on Mother’s Day?” And I think the best way I can describe it is bittersweet. Bitter because my missionary is in a different place, a different time zone, a different culture than I inhabit, and this all makes me feel out of touch with him. But sweet, because the baby that God allowed me to steward, that baby that grew and flew and became an amazing adult, is now serving that same God as a missionary in a faraway land. Could I ask for a better Mother’s Day gift? I think not.
But sometimes this peculiar bittersweet feeling weighs heavy on my mama’s heart, and I long to hold my missionary close and kiss his head and show him off to my friends. Sometimes, on special days, like Christmas, or his birthday, or my birthday, or Mother’s Day, I truly miss the hands-on role I used to play in his life. I feel unnecessary and left behind in his journey abroad, and I mourn his absence from my home. Sometimes, on these formerly happy days, I grieve, and I wish God had designed a different vocation for him–one that was closer to me. Can you relate?
Are these mixed up feelings all wrong?
Sweet missionary mama, it is never wrong to love and miss your child, to long for his presence nearby. It’s never shameful to be sad about dreams about family togetherness that look different than you originally envisioned. It’s not sinful to long for what you once had.
What is wrong is to stay in that place of discontentment. What is shameful is to let your dissatisfaction with altered dreams make you resentful of your child’s calling (or of the God who called him). What is sinful to be ungrateful for all that God has given you in your present season.
As mothers, I think we can all be somewhat self-focused when we ruminate on how our lives–with our precious ones so far away–feel like now. We think about how our child’s calling affects us. We often believe, though I don’t think any of us would actually say it, that our lives would be happier if our child was home . . if we had more control . . .if we could shorten their stay. I think that presumption is untrue. True peace lies in surrendering our own wills to the will of God. If God has called our children abroad, that is the story he is writing for our lives. And It’s the story he is writing for theirs–don’t steal their excitement and joy.
So, on special days, when we are tempted to fall to self pity, we need to PRAY, ACCEPT and ACCLIMATE:
- PRAY to see the opportunities God has for you in this new and different life. Look for ways to serve your child’s team from afar. Ask your child for prayer prompts.
- ACCEPT that your child feels called to minister in a land far away. Different eras introduce fresh dynamics into the parent and child relationship. Step out of the role of child caretaker and into the role of missionary cheerleader.
- ACCLIMATE to a new rhythm of family life–especially on the days when the rest of the family gathers together. Could you include your missionary via zoom? Could you have a family text convo where everyone contributes photos from their lives? It won’t feel the same as before, but technology can ease some of the sadness.
When God blessed us with our precious sons and daughters, they really weren’t ours to keep. So we need to stand with open arms, even on these special bittersweet days, and with some tears in our eyes, direct our hearts towards something bigger than ourselves. With grateful hearts, we can thank God for the past, we can trust him with the present, and we can be excited–even on Mother’s Day– for how he is choosing to draw a lost world to himself. And he is doing that by using our kids.
He is a good God.
He is doing good things.
He is being good to us.
Happy Mother’s Day Missionary Mama! You got this!
Parents of Goers 