When our oldest son, Luke, was just five years old, he spied a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles blimp at a garage sale on our morning walk. Running up the stairs as soon as we reached home, he grabbed some coins out of his piggy bank and raced back down with a pocket full of change and a question: “Mom, if I’m really careful, can I ride my bike to the garage sale?” Wanting to foster his independence, yet fearing for his safety, I made a compromise, “How ‘bout I cross the street with you, and you ride the rest of the way by yourself?” Pivoting the stroller carrying his sisters, we made our way back to the busy road together. Then I stood on the corner while he rode his red training-wheel-equipped bike to the end of the block. Quickly returning with his prized item he said, “See, I can do it by myself.”
Releasing our kids to go abroad on mission feels a little like that—we fear for their safety and want to protect, yet we know we must foster their independence. We wish we could make a compromise with them; “How about you just go a little way, and I will stand here at a distance and watch you to make sure everything is alright? You can stay close, and I can be part of your life and your choices and your daily life.” And they say, “No, you stay here. I will go abroad …by myself.”
And guess what? They can do it by themselves. The transition may be rocky as they learn to use the “training wheels” of team members and their sending organizations, but soon they will become accustomed to their new culture. Though they often won’t admit it, they, too, are scared. Excited, yes, but intimidated by all the unknowns. Attempting anything new–from riding your bike down the block by yourself to living in an unfamiliar culture–takes courage. Our natural reaction, as parents, is to try to take the “scary” away. But until our kids struggle on their own, they won’t develop the “spiritual muscles” they need to gain confidence in their new vocation.
When our Goers leave on mission, we feel like we are losing control—control over their choices, their whereabouts, their purpose, and their safety. We raise kids to let them go, not to keep them. As stewards of our children, we are granted responsibility and oversight of these precious ones, but they really belong to their Heavenly Father, not us.
Still unsure? Remind yourself of these truths:
Control is a myth. Stop worrying and start trusting. Your kids are believing in God’s providence and protection. Join them in that belief.
“Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?” Luke 12:25-26
Courage is required. We like what we’re used to; we resist what is new. Our kids need to know that we know they can thrive in their new home. Don’t rescue them when the going gets tough; encourage them to be strong in their belief that God is present.
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified…, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6
Confidence flows from challenge. Think about it. Remember that last time you began a new job or had to use unfamiliar technology? At first it seemed like you would never synthesize everything! But now those changes seem normal. You have gained competence by mastering the challenge. New cultures and new languages are confusing. Promote confidence in your Goers by encouraging them to persevere in the challenges God allows.
“Such confidence we have through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God.” 2 Corinthians 3:4-5
See Mom and Dad? They really can do it “all by themselves”. Keep cheering them on!
Parents of Goers 