As a 21-year-old college senior, I returned from classes one February afternoon and discovered a Valentine card on my desk. Removing the pink envelope, I read a poem written in the unmistakable hand of my beloved then-boyfriend, now-husband, Brent. In his most careful cursive and with imperfectly rhymed couplets, he instructed me to search for 12 little surprises he had hidden around my room. Feeling special because of his adoration and intention, I proceeded to search and eventually found a dozen tiny boxes of chalky conversation hearts! Why do I still remember this somewhat-sappy act of devotion 32 years later? I remember it because it made me feel loved.
All of our kids–Sent-Ones or not–need to be reminded that we love them. It is important we tell them that we value who they are and what they are doing; assumed devotion isn’t enough. Even if this spoken or shown love hasn’t been your normal mode of operation, developing a regular cadence of “adoration and intention” will make your child feel special and loved.
How can you do this? Here are five ideas to help you express love to your overseas kids here or abroad:
♡ Send them a hand-written note telling them what you appreciate about them and how they are unique. An email could achieve the same purpose, but a hand-written note shows forethought and care (if this is difficult because mail service is unreliable in your child’s locale, write out the note and text a photo of it to them before popping it in the mail. That way, they will have your sentiments even if they never actually receive it!)
♡ Send them an eBook (or regular book) that you can read and discuss together over a period of weeks or months. This discussion can be via email, video chat, or phone call. Asking your child about their insights as you read the book together can give you a peek into their minds. I have learned so much about my children by reading books with them!
♡ Call or video chat with them and ask specific questions about their day, their normal routine, or the projects they are undertaking. Then sit back and listen to their answers. Asking great questions about these unique aspects of your child’s life is a way to show interest in their chosen vocation.
♡ Share with them things you have learned recently. These revelations don’t have to be earth-shattering or impressive; open up to your kids about very normal things you have learned about yourself, about others, or about God. Vulnerability may not come naturally to you, but interactions of this sort will make you more authentic and approachable in your kids’ eyes. This “everyday talk” is also a great way to pass on wisdom that you have gained just by getting older.
♡ Ask your child how they see God using them. Extending this question to your overseas kids will help them look for God’s faithful presence in their ordinary lives. It will also remind them that the work they are doing is important not only to their Heavenly Father, but to their earthly parents as well.
♡ Say “I love you.” Maybe this is something you haven’t said in the past. Maybe it’s difficult to speak it. Start now and use the phrase when closing out your calls or conversations. Use it as a sign off in your emails. Soon it will become a habit, but that won’t decrease its power; our kids need to know that we love them, here and now and always. Your words don’t have to be eloquent; they just have to be true. (And a few conversation hearts might be a sweet addition.)
Parents of Goers 